Weddings trickiest questions

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For many people, a wedding is one of the happiest occasions there is. However, with such a gathering of friends and family, there are a number of difficult situations that you are bound to encounter whether you are planning the wedding or even just attending it. Potential differences in opinion, clashing expectations and varying situations to contend with might have you feeling overwhelmed.Want to know how the bride might feel if you say no to being her maid of honour? What will people really think if you don’t invite their children? Should you be paying for your guests' accommodation? Should I expect the couple getting married to pay for my outfit, hair and makeup as a bridesmaid? We’ve asked Brits how they really feel about a number of situations so you can put your worries into perspective.*If you’re wondering how to answer some of weddings trickiest questions? Well, that's where we come in...

Can I say no to being a bridesmaid, maid of honour, groomsman or best man?

There is a lot of responsibility that comes with being in the inner circle at someone’s wedding. From helping to plan pre-wedding parties, and playing a supporting role on the day, to having to deliver a heartfelt speech about the happy couple, to a room of friends and family, the job of the wedding party can be pretty varied and can take up a lot of a person’s time.

Not only that, but the ongoing cost of living is forcing many to tighten their purse strings and really consider how they’re spending their money, and that might also play a factor in the decision-making process.

Almost two-thirds (63%) of Brits said yes it was acceptable to decline an invitation to be in a wedding party based on the financial burden and additional responsibilities it poses.

Wedding planning expert Jess Martin said: “It’s totally acceptable to decline an invitation to play a part in someone’s big day, and not just for the reasons mentioned above. The way you go about it is what really matters, and if someone loves you enough to have invited you to be in their wedding, then they will completely understand the reasons why you can’t accept.

Can I bring a +1 to the wedding?

Attending a wedding alone might seem intimidating, but at the end of the day, it’s up to the couple getting married, who they have at their wedding.

49% of Brits said they would be bothered if they were not invited to bring a plus one to the wedding however just 10% would not attend the wedding at all if they weren’t allowed to bring someone.

Jess suggests “The best way to avoid this question is to make it really clear on your wedding invitations who the invite is for, specifically. I’d go so far as to write on the invitations something like: ‘no additional guest invited’ or ‘no +1 allowed’ or ‘this invite is for Jane and Jane only’ to just make your point totally clear!”

If after all that, you still get the dreaded question, then just know that you’re not the first person - and won’t be the last person - to be asked it in this lifetime.

Jess adds: “Whether you don’t want a plus one from a financial perspective, from a capacity point of view, or because you simply do not want people you don’t know at your wedding, it’s your wedding and your rules!”

If it bothers your guests so much that they cannot bring another person to the wedding of one of their friends, then perhaps they shouldn’t come at all.

Can I bring my kids to the wedding?

There are loads of reasons why a couple may opt to make their wedding child-free. They might choose to include catering or entertainment that’s not suitable for children or may have chosen a venue that doesn’t facilitate their needs. And that’s totally their decision!

There’s so much that goes into planning a wedding, and if a couple doesn’t have children of their own, then it may just simply not be a point worth considering, or it might just be a personal choice to make the wedding adults only. Again, that’s totally their decision!

Over half (55%) of Brits said they wouldn’t be bothered if their kids weren’t invited and only 9% wouldn’t attend as a result.

Jess said: “The best way to make the point clear, is again to make sure it’s written in the invitations. Including the message ‘this wedding is for adults only’ or ‘please note: children are not invited on this occasion’ are simple disclaimers that get the point across in a clear and concise way.“

If after that you still are asked the question, all you need to do is respond with: ‘as mentioned in the invitations, we have decided to make our wedding day an adults-only event, and there will not be any facilities or catering options for children. We’re really sorry if this means you can’t make the wedding, but we totally understand!”

That way you put it back on your guests, and give them the option to decline the invite if they truly can’t manage to find help looking after their children. Not everyone will be able to make it, and that’s just life!

Am I expected to pay for the hair, makeup, outfit and accommodation for everyone in my wedding party?

Being asked to be in someone’s wedding party is a huge honour, but it can sometimes come with additional and unexpected costs. As a member of the wedding party, it’s absolutely essential to ask questions that directly impact your own finances and as the couple, you need to understand how far your budget can stretch.

Only a third of Brits (30%) believe the couple should cover every cost for the wedding party and over half (54%) said they shouldn’t pay.

Jess points out: “In most cases, a couple will expect to be asked these questions if they don’t make it clear from the outset what they will and won’t be paying for within their overall wedding budget. The best way to ask this question without feeling awkward about it would be to phrase it in a way that puts it back on the couple.

“Questions like: ‘I’m trying to budget for your big day, can you let me know what things I will need to pay for myself so I can plan for it?’ or ‘So I know how much to budget for, can you let me know what you will be paying for and what I’ll need to pay for myself?’ This shows the couple you’re aware there will be additional costs, but leaves the onus on them to explain what costs you might incur as part of the wedding party.”

Do I need to pay for all my guests' accommodation?

Travelling to a wedding is to be expected for most and with longer weekend wedding celebrations and unusual wedding venues rising in popularity, guests might have to find accommodation nearby. In an ideal world, you probably would want to cover the cost for everyone but budgets only stretch so far.

Just a third (34%) of Brits would mind if you didn’t pay for their accommodation. However, those who earn more expect more. Of those earning over £55k a year, almost half (47%), would be bothered if their accommodation wasn’t paid for compared to just 31% of those who earn £15k or less a year.

Jess says: “Most people won’t expect you to pay for accommodation as just a guest. However, clarity is key when it comes to family members and those in the wedding party. Let them know as soon as possible whether they will need to find and book their own place to stay.

“In your wedding invitations or save the dates, it can be nice to include a list of suggested accommodation options. It also serves as a handy hint that people will need to find and book their own.

“If you are lucky enough to have some rooms available for guests to stay in at your venue, make it very clear who is staying where otherwise people may automatically presume they can stay and let people know as soon as possible.

”For those of you lucky enough to be planning your own celebrations, browse ourwedding,henandengagement party decorationshere.

Methodology

*The survey was conducted by Censuswide on behalf of Ginger Ray with a sample of 2004 nationally representative respondents. Quotas were applied to nationally representative proportions for age, gender and region. The survey fieldwork took place between 04/05/23 - 09/05/23. Censuswide abide by and employ members of the Market Research Society which is based on the ESOMAR principles and are members of The British Polling Council.